At some point in your life, you likely tried to prove the world wrong and push a ball under water. For a few moments it felt easy, but slowly and the deeper you pushed, the harder it became. You knew at any moment, any release, that ball would come soaring back out of the water. A futile effort in resistance.
Resistance
Comedian and writer Pete Holmes uses this image to describe our relationship with reality; the natural resistance and aversion we feel towards the things that don’t go our way or as we planned.
Whether we hit a bad golf shot, lose a sale, or our flight is delayed. All of these instances are in and of themselves, just instances. A single point of data, no emotion or meaning attached.
Yet, what comes next is the reality we create. And more often than not, our resistance kicks in. We keep pushing the ball under water. “I shouldn’t have hit that shot.” “I should have offered more.” “We should have traveled yesterday.”
These stories build. The resistance grows. And sooner or later, that ball is coming up.
Yes, Thank You
Holmes’ offers a simple, yet counterintuitive technique. It’s grounded in the psychological framework of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Just a quick, “Yes, thank you.”
Saying, “yes, thank you” isn’t because you wanted the outcome to happen, or because you actually enjoy it, or because you think everything happens for a reason, or even because you are a glutton for punishment. It’s a simple recognition that what has happened, has happened.
Bad golf shot? Yes, thank you. Lost the sale? Yes, thank you. Flight delayed? Yes, thank you. The goal is not blind optimism, but to stop arguing with and resisting reality. To trick our brains and our physiology to keep moving forward and not back.
The ball will always be a ball. The outcome will always be the outcome. Stop expecting either to be anything else.
